I am pretty much always punctual, but yesterday was different. I found myself unable of getting out of bed. I tried to do the homework that I did not do the night before. I was so down that I could not do anything, I did not want to see anybody. I remained in bed and stared at my off-white ceiling with all of those helplessness thoughts. It was too much.

Thanks to graduate school, I began to realize more and more that what I have been going through is not my fault. I used to think that my habits or personality was the factor of my mood swings, I thought what I have was normal, since we all have our ups and downs. What I didn't realize was that, I do get up and especially down for absolutely no reason. Looking back all those years and reading through old journal entries and talking to friends who have known me for long time, I could finally indicate the nature of depression. It all made sense.

In addition, unfortunately, mental illness runs in my family. My dad has clinical depression for most of his life and it's cringing his quality of life, my mother has been diagnosed for depression and my sister thought she had depression but later discovered that it was ADHD.

I am glad that I am becoming aware but this is really affecting my focus in grad school. I cannot afford falling behind or miss any more of classes. It's kinda strange because I am actually in a counseling program and I am learning how to counsel others... and finding that I'm in the process of diagnosis. My professors and I are working on getting all help I need. My roommate who is also my classmate in my program has been there, through thick and thin. I honestly don't know how could I have done this without them.

It has been an exhilarating ride and I thought I would share the journey with you, my dear readers.